iPhone’s new Death Ray Patent … cool

Everybody knows ‘Apple Kills’ – they just surpassed Microsoft in value and the iPad is even exceeding  the iPhone’s very scary sales trajectory.

[ Yeah, but what’s that about a Death Ray Patent? In a minute.]

First, in terms of weapons of mass destruction Apple sneaks in. Few people realize the iPhone has the highest radiation of any mobile phone (in total).  The Environmental Working Group provides a list of cellphone makers and product radiation SARs or Specific Absorption Rates. (U.S. Federal Communications Commission measure of radiation)

As per the FCC – and one imagines to the delight of the cellphone industry – this rating is merely to ensure cellphones don’t cause massive heating of the brain or cause people to  spontaneously combust. However, actual health considerations are utterly ignored. Kinda like a 30 Day guarantee (of safety) but they regret they are unable to give you your brain back.  See new study.

What Everybody Doesn’t Know

(thanx Dan Piraro … love yor new iPhone aps )

Your iPhone is always on and this is just so great for so many things. It’s also great to provide you with radiation 24/7 for those times in between when you’re not engaged with your phone. So throw out that pacifier of a notion regulators are ‘looking out for you’. This FFC safety standard (so-called) offers not a cursory glance toward “health effects”. In terms of cumulative radiation exposure which is pretty fundamental in radiation risk assessment – it offers nothing at all. This is where Apple shines, cumulative radiation exposure. [ Zat the death ray part? No. ]

There’s an App for That

A creative Israeli company, Tawkon, came up with an app to measure your iPhone radiation, in real time. At least you’ll know when you are “done.”

Upon further review, Apple killed the “App for That.“

Then Along Comes PONG to the rescue … [ [Excuse me, I came for the Death Ray story?! Hang on.]

No, not that Pong!

Though the amount of radiation this old cathode ray tube blasted into our heads in the 1970’s is (literally) mind-boggling.

No, this is Pong Research and they have a great little product to save your brain. It is certain that Apple and other cellphone makers will not be designing safe phones any time soon i.e. until the science and courts catch up to all this runaway technological radiation.

But on to the cellular Weapons of Mass Destruction, Apple’s new ‘Particle Gun’ patent. ” The application describes the particle gun as a device with a pair of conductive plates that generate two separate, independent and uniform electromagnetic fields.” More Radiation.

The patent application is entitled “System and Method for Authentication Based on Particle Gun Emissions,” is intended to increase encryption quality and security. Understandably, not a lot of mention of your brain or tumors or cancer or Alzheimer’s ‘n such.

It’s a short technology ride from here to a portable, concealable ‘Death Ray’. And then next up – mind control … all in the palm of your hand.                                                                                                                      ( Brought to you by Apple )

Nikola Tesla

Nikola Tesla – the brilliant inventor who gave us alternating current(AC) as a solution to Edison’s unworkable direct current(DC) – had a grand plan for his death ray invention and that was to wipe out 10,000 attacking planes in the air. The ultimate peace weapon or so he thought. The American military have introduced their “Active Denial System“ for crowd dispersal though grander covert plans have long been afoot. And along comes Apple …

.. with the big scoop once again; a Handheld Ray Gun!

Damn you Steve Jobs. You’re good!